Aug. 4 (Bloomberg) -- Whitney is a saber-toothed tigress with tattoos and a runaway libido. Tracy is a gorgeous movie executive who’s morphing into a high-class model. Nikki, a divorced Hollywood agent, is hearing wedding bells again. On Showtime’s “The Real L Word,” lesbians aren’t just out of the closet. They’re high-profile, mostly gorgeous and -- I’m sorry to say -- awfully boring. The summer show, a reality version of Showtime’s “The L Word” drama that ended its six-season run last year, follows six gay women and their assorted pals in Los Angeles, where they produce fashion events, work on indie movies and juggle relationships. Although the show features a lot of boozing, carousing and smooching, these ladies are often as enthralling as C-Span. Their reality is my boredom. And it’s not because I’m a hetero male. The target audience clearly isn’t just lesbians. Why else would so many of the women look like a lonely guy’s fantasy? Yet the leer factor is fairly tame, by contemporary standards, and these California girls are hardly exotic creatures. Once you get past the chatter about “sagging vaginas,” what you have is a group of young women living pretty ordinary lives. Wedding Plans Like their straight counterparts, they pursue love with varying degrees of passion. Whitney has a proprietary streak. When foxy girlfriend Sara makes it clear she can rumble without emotional attachment, Whitney gets a little pouty. Nikki and Jill are all about monogamy and have been planning their nuptials. They’re so square they could be mistaken for a pair of Mormon debutantes. Both are horrified by the costs of matrimony, especially the price of dresses, though either would look terrific in a trash bag. “You better love me forever,” Nikki purrs to her sweetheart. Good luck with that! Not everyone is so sweet. Rose, a somewhat beefy tart you might see drinking boilermakers at a pool hall, throws a stripper-and-beer party that features lap dancing and breasts that seem to be stuffed with bowling balls. The series, which runs on Sunday nights at 10 p.m. New York time through Aug. 15, isn’t all frivolous. Tracy’s mother is troubled by her sexuality, while Mikey struggles to find backers for a major fashion event. Lunar Cycles The hour-long program is broken into so many short segments that it sometimes resembles a YouTube video. When the subject gets too esoteric -- I have absolutely no interest in lunar cycles -- just wait a minute and it will change. The problem with reality shows is not so much the shows but the reality, which even with contrived situations include long stretches of monotony, job grind, relationship friction and family upheaval. Who needs to be reminded of that? Give me a dose of unreality anytime.
